They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
