I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
