Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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