When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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