If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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