had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
