so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
