i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
