I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
