soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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