You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
