THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
