mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
