this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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