My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
