The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize