me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
