I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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