I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
