Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
