i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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