smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
