im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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