Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
