Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
