there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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