margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
