Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
These tits shall not be calmed
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
