I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
