I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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