I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just blew my weed a kiss
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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