I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
