my mouth tastes like poor choices
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
