shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
