So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
