hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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