dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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