there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
