If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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