To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
