Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I could make wine with my vomit
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
