The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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