smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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