You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
