so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
