You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
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He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
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I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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