Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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