All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
