She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
