How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
