I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
