he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
