walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
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It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
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I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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