RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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