My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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