Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
