Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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