ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
