Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
