i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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