As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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