grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
