1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
