dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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