do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night