Me too!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Randomize
