I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
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We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
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So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix