How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
