Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
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Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
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im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We're too hungover to prance.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.