Banned from zoo.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.