If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me