I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart