Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
