Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?

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(312): How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick? http://tfl.nu/oq47

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(701): View more from North Dakota

My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.

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(701): My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying. http://tfl.nu/rpdb

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.

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(610): My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/h8rn

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(310): View more from California

based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment

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(310): based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment http://tfl.nu/srdh

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(516): View more from New York

We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.

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(516): We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story. http://tfl.nu/mad1

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(818): View more from California

I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.

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(818): I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot. http://tfl.nu/6tih

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(239): View more from Florida

so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.

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(239): so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are. http://tfl.nu/bpgx

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.

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(978): Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you. http://tfl.nu/83yp

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.

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(215): Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day. http://tfl.nu/lmzq

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(706): View more from Georgia

I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.

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(706): I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant. http://tfl.nu/0cvw

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(757): View more from Virginia

i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...

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(757): i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ... http://tfl.nu/nc8q

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(719): View more from Colorado

U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..

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(719): U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am.. http://tfl.nu/svag

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(574): View more from Indiana

I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.

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(574): I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed. http://tfl.nu/w2ei

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(336): View more from North Carolina

You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.

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(336): You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens. http://tfl.nu/3z5p

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(404): View more from Georgia

All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....

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(404): All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused.... http://tfl.nu/ik1s

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