the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...