I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
