Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
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still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
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I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.