We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
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Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
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Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.