I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
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You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
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He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.