I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me