were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i think my cat just said my name.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug