alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
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And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
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After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!