we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
