girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
