oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.