just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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