did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
