They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
