it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
