the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
