Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
