my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
