I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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